The couple’s guide to abusing a puppy

No, not like that.

Over the past few weeks though, Eoin and I have been using Milo to give each other the occasional dig. He has become a little weapon that we share. It’s wrong and it’s really passive-aggressive but (and I shouldn’t be admitting this publically) it’s also very satisfying. Just don’t tell PETA because it’s probably a canine rights violation or something in this country.

Let me explain. Milo, for example, is not allowed to wander into the bathroom or the bedroom unattended because he will inevitably A) jump into the bath and go nuts or B) chew something belonging to me, usually a bra.

But obviously, accidents happen, and Eoin will usually leave the doors open at least once a day. I’ll more than likely find Milo eating my smalls, in which case I’ll drag him into the living room and go, in a very loud Mammyish voice, “Milo, what do you MEAN Eoin left the door open so you could ruin another bra? You’re RIGHT, he is a thicko.” Milo will stare back at me blankly and Eoin will pretend not to be listening, but my job will be done. And lest you feel sorry for him, know that Eoin does it too.

Seriously, if you have a puppy, or even a small child, give it a go. They need to earn their keep.


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