Why can’t beige be a food group?

As I’ve confessed here before, one of the reasons I’m excited about living in America is their amazing range of fast food (cringe). I know it disgusts most people (I’ve seen Food Inc, it made me hungry and I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the idea) but not Sarah. Only yesterday I declared, while salivating over Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution, “I wish beige was a food group.” And I meant it. Beige foods are the best: toast, cheese, donuts, chips, crisps, noodles, pasta, battered things, fried things, all my favourite things, basically. Beige rocks, and I know it, which is why I’m genuinely scared I’m gonna supersize myself when I go Stateside.

I should probably say now that I don’t eat meat, despite the fact I crave it constantly, so I think I’m pretty safe in the burger and steak departments (although I’d love a 9 oz right now). It’s not for any decent reason, so don’t get excited. When I was around 11 I had a slightly red-looking chicken sandwich in a pub in Tipperary and got sick. I’m talking violently, Exorcist-style sick. I was on my way to a family wedding so, when I had quite a large audience, I declared in my no doubt annoying pre-teen whine, “I am NEVER eating meat again.” And I didn’t. But that doesn’t stop me thinking about it. And so, when I get to America, land of the free and home of arguably the unhealthiest people in the world, I’m going to face my greatest challenge to date: staying away from fast food, especially the meaty kind. At the moment I’m only allowed visit McDonald’s on the way home from music festivals (yes, it’s a peculiar rule but I figure anything goes at festivals and I’m allowed do what I want until after my homecoming shower) but what about when I’m alone in a city that I’ve heard has a fast food outlet on ever corner. How long ’til I’m in one of those motorised cart thingies, only leaving the house to pick up more rib eyes or ranch dressing?

So, I’m going to publicly announce here that I will only check out each fast food restaurant once (for review purposes obvos). After that it’s gonna be Whole Foods all the way. Pinky swear.


One thought on “Why can’t beige be a food group?

  1. Pingback: The Arizona State Fair | Coming To America

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